An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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