and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
