I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize