I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
