my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
