come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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