apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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