You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
