this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He has the fingertips of a God
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