dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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