why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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