he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
