I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
