Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize