There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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