Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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