After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
