i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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