Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
this is an emotional support booty call
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize