"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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