Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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