Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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