is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
