i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
