Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
