she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
