Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
