she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i believe in u and ur pee
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