She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
