What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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