I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
