can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
