pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
