Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
