I'm drive I can fine osifer
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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