went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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