She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
