Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize