we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
