Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
