she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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