but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
