If that was your dad, he is hot
I just threw up on my dentist
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I need moral support for this bender
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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