just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
