I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
