I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
