I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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