Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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