I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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