dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
