I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
