Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
