Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
