I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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