I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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