I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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