It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
