Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
