My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
