It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize