i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize