Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
