First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize