while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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