My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
