I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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