I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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