apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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