Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
