At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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