After last night, I could never be a politician.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
