The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
