Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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