Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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