So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Are we still banned from the library?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
