i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
