he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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