Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
