whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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