fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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