in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
