I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
