Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
