Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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