im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Watching her eat just hurts me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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