Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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