Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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