Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
