Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
