Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
