What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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