I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
