Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
