Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
