Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
