Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think i have two assholes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
